Stalking- 2011 edition

I think by now we have all had a stalker.  I know I have :-/  I know someone who has a stalker on his hands and I think its HILARIOUS!  I figured I'd give you stalkers a guideline on how to properly stalk the person your obsessed with.

Now there are degrees to stalking.  You can be a subtle stalker or you can be an outright "Bitch, yea I'm at your window... who is that broad?" type of stalker.  Subtle stalking is maybe looking at the person you likes timeline on twitter or constantly reviewing their facebook page.  Extreme stalking is lighting shit on fire and busting windows out peoples cars.  Stalking is an art form.  You have to master it in a way that doesn't make you appear as crazy as you REALLY are.  Here are some ways to get your stalking game up.

Extreme Stalking-

•  Leave songs on her voicemail.  Call about 2 am.  When she wakes up, she should hear "I got a feelin' somebody's watchin' me."  If you want to be romantic, play "Secret Lover's." or "Bust the windows out your car." 

• So she didn't answer your phone call?  Send a text.  She didn't reply to your text? Send a few emails.  You get no response from the emails?  Send a facebook message.  No response from the facebook message?  Write on her wall.  She didn't response to your wall message?  Send her a tweet.  Still nothing? Go to her house to make sure she is okay. 

• Go through her tweets and facebook messages to find out where she is going to be.  Then conveniently show up!  Girls like that, really.

• Did she just tell you she was going to sleep?  Go to her house and watch her!  You know, just to make sure nothing happens to her.  After all, you care about her.  Wouldn't want her to die in her sleep or anything.  Sit on the side of the bed and stare.  It won't scare her or anything.  She'll think of you as her guardian angel.

• Make her feel special by being her personal escort service.  She tell you that she's going somewhere?  Follow her.  Just to make sure she gets there safely. 

• Never met her mother?  Call her and introduce yourself.  Then call about 3 times a day just to check in with her.  Parents like that.  It shows you care for their child.

If this doesn't help you make her fall deeply in love with her then I don't know what will!

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