As promised, here is the second installment of Essence's short story, "The Way You Love Me"
I was still sitting down, watching Jordan as she gathered her things and prepared to leave. I had something important on my mind and I knew that I needed to open my mouth and say something. But I know how Jordan is. I wasn't sure how she would react and honestly, I was expecting the worst.
A few days ago, one of the Def Jam publicists called to tell me that Heather's album release party was scheduled for tonight and they expected me to continue my hosting duties. That Heather had specifically asked for me and the party fulfilled one of the stipulations in a contract that I desperately wanted to get out of. I couldn't believe that Heather had asked for me. Over the years, we've run into each other from time to time. Of course, I'm always with Jordan and Heather is always surrounded by groupies in their little 'DJ Hazard' t-shirts. My usual reaction is to roll my eyes all the way into the back of my head and thank God that I had the good sense to drop her ass when I did. Sometimes she sends over a drink. Or her phone number. But I dismiss it all. It doesn't matter to me that she has money or cars. Everyone knows that Jordan is my woman and has been for a while. Still, it bothers Jordan. She makes it clear that she doesn't respect Heather and does not want me to be around her. I always end up having to find a way to keep the two apart and stop Heather from pushing Jordan too far. Trust me, Jordan is not the one to play with. Underneath her professional and easy-going persona, she is very protective, very aggressive and just a tad bit jealous. The last time we all attended the same party, we ended up leaving an hour early because Heather tried to dance with me and Jordan almost tossed her little ass into the bar.
So obviously, I knew that it wouldn't be easy to get Jordan to come to the party. And that she probably wouldn't want me to go at all. But I didn't have a choice. In order to get out of my Def Jam contract, I had agreed to host any five parties of their choice at one flat fee with no star perks. And Heather knew it.
When I saw Jordan reach for her keys, I knew that it was now or never. I had to talk to her. I had to tell her about the party. But how? I needed some help. Something or someone that she couldn't resist. If we had a kid, I would have used it as my cover but instead I just picked up our new puppy and shoved it into Jordan's face.
"Say hi Daisy! Say hi to Daddy!" The dog licked happily on the side of Jordan's cheek, brushing its wet nose against the side of her neck. Jordan grabbed the dog and tumbled onto the ground. We laughed and rolled around on the floor for a few minutes.
"Come on Daisy! Tell Jordy to come with me to the party!"
Jordan stopped playing long enough to ask, "What party baby?"
I picked the dog up and stood. Daisy could be my shield. "I was thinking that you could come to Heather's album release party with me". Bad idea. All movement stopped. Sensing the tension, Daisy jumped down and scampered off. Traitor.
"No, no. no. I'm not going. You're not going. We're not going!"
"But I have to go. Violet from Def Jam called. You know how things are right now. All I have to do is get on the mic, say a few words, pop a couple of bottles and then we can leave. What’s the big deal?"
I tried to hug her but Jordan wasn't having it. She pushed me away and said, "What's the big deal? Do you think my idea of a good time is watching that lame ass bitch flirt with my girl? You already know how I feel about her Jaisun. I don't like her, don't respect her. And why are you so pressed to go anyway? You tell Def Jam to kiss your ass any other day. What? You wanna see her or something?"
"Jordan, get a fucking grip. You know that I can't back out of shit like this anymore. I'm tired of being at Def Jam. They're not promoting me as well as the other artists. They're a music label and they signed me, knowing that I was a writer and a model. Now they don't know what to do with me. You know that I want to get out of this contract. This isn't about us, this is about business. Heather is cool but THAT'S IT! We dated, it didn't last, I'm with you! Stop being so damn childish and get over it! I don't care what you say. I'm going to the party...."
Jordan opened the door to leave but then turned to face me. She stood there quietly for a second and then suddenly punched the wall.
"I knew this shit would happen eventually. I can't believe this shit. My girl is arguing with me so she can go sit up in another female's face? Fuck it. Go. Don't go. I don't care."
She slammed the door when she left. That's never a good sign. A few minutes later, Daisy came trotting back into the room and gave me a look that said, "What the hell did you do now?"
I arrived for the party an hour late. I knew that Heather's manager would probably be mad but I didn't care. After Jordan walked out of the apartment, I'd been too distraught to dress. I just sat there, wondering how I had managed to mess up such a wonderful thing. Even now, the fight was still on my mind. I didn't understand why Jordan got so upset.
I snapped out of my thoughts long enough to notice that something did not seem right. There was no music blasting into my eardrum. No DJ screaming incoherently on the mic. And no mile long line of half-naked women outside. Didn't seem like one of Heather's parties at all.
When I reached the doors of the club, a young woman approached me. Smiling, she said, "Good evening ma'am. Ms. McDonald, I presume?"
I nodded yes. I followed her into the club, past the dance floor, beyond the VIP and into a private room. Entering the room, I immediately saw an elegant dinner table that was set for two. Candles, soft music, chilled champagne. My heart almost began to melt but a shockingly revelation hit me first. Heather set this up purposely. I needed to leave as soon as possible.
I headed to the door but a voice called behind me, "Jaisun! What's Up! Wait, where are you going?" It was Heather. For once, she actually looked kind of nice. The shades, the fur and the heavy chain were gone, replaced with a pair of small black reading glasses and a nice Polo outfit.
"Hey Heather, thanks for the invitation but I'm actually leaving. I don't think this is really a good idea."
She put down a small package that she held in her hands and walked over to me. "Look Jaisun, I know it seems kind of shady but I just wanted a chance to apologize for being such an asshole. I knew that you wouldn't come unless it was business".
"But Heather, what if Jordan had come with me? Do you understand what this shit looks like? "
"I know, I know", she said. Heather sat down and put her head into her hands. "Don't you know how much it bothers me that I fucked up? I was just so young and stupid. I don't even really act like that anymore. Now, that shit is just for show. I wish I had someone like you in my life now. Someone that doesn't give a fuck about all the material shit. Someone that's real."
I sat down across from her. I grabbed her hand and said, "Heather, I understand all that. I really do. But you can't put me in a bad position with my woman. I'm in a relationship with Jordan. I'm in love with Jordan. We can be friends but you can't try to come between that."
Heather assured me that she understood and we sat down for a quiet dinner. Six courses of absolutely delicious food. We were eating dessert and finishing our last cocktails of the evening. I playfully stole forkfuls of her strawberry cheesecake and somehow Heather managed to knock my entire cup of green tea ice cream on the floor. I'd forgotten how much fun she was. I remembered how I'd loved her youthful spirit and generosity. I pulled on my jacket and stood to leave, when Heather picked up the package she'd been holding all night and handed it to me. I opened it and saw an original copy of "Their Eyes Were Watching God". Autographed on the inside cover by Ms. Hurston herself.
"Oh my gosh! Heather! Thank you so much!"
"You're welcome Jaisun. And honestly, I really am happy for you and Jordan. Come on, let me walk you out."
I smiled and just as I turned to walk away, Heather spun me around and kissed me. I stood there shocked for a second and then pulled away.
Before I could open my mouth to forcefully object, I saw a shade standing in the doorway. Someone had been watching. And without even seeing her face, I knew it was Jordan.
"What the fuck is going on?"
I heard the tone of Jordan's voice and I knew she was furious. I could hear Jordan clinching her jaw from where I was standing. The invitation and small greeting card in her hand fell to the floor. She'd come to apologize. Felt bad about the argument that we'd had earlier. And now I was standing here, unable to explain the situation that I had gotten myself into.
"Jordan baby, listen. Heather and I..."
"Look Jordan", Heather interrupted as she stepped closer to Jordan. "Jaisun had no idea about
the dinner. This is all just a huge misunderstanding. For real yo, I really am sorry". Heather extended her hand for Jordan to shake. Jordan stood quietly and then out of nowhere began to laugh hysterically. When her laughter died down, she began massaging her jaw and staring at Heather's hand which remained unshaken. Without a second thought, Jordan hit Heather squarely in the jaw, sending her stumbling back.
At first I thought I had to be imagining things. But when I saw Heather clutching her jaw and Jordan standing over her cursing, I knew that I wasn't seeing things. I rushed over to Jordan and tried to guide her through the doorway. Before we could exit, Heather tackled her from behind. They crashed onto the floor, landing punches and kicks wherever they could. I stood on the sidelines yelling, "Stop it! This is so stupid! Ya'll are too old for this! Jordan, GET UP!"
Finally I separated them. Jordan had a cut above her eye and when I tried to examine it further, she roughly shoved me away.
"Jaisun, get the fuck away from me. Don't touch me."
"Jordy, stop being so stubborn and let me look at your eye". Jordan pushed my hands away and left. I glanced at Heather to make sure that she didn't have any serious injuries and then I dashed after Jordan. I didn't reach her before she drove away but I knew where she was going.
I drove straight to Jordan's apartment, trying to beat her home. I knew she would be going straight home. Jordan hated to drive when she was upset. When I arrived, I didn't see her car. I used my key to enter and after confirming that she hadn't come home yet, I went into the kitchen and made myself a drink. A strong one. I sat on the couch and looked around Jordan's apartment. I noticed all the pieces of me that she had incorporated into her personal space. A self-portrait that I'd painted in Monte Carlo and had given her on our first anniversary. A framed copy of my first Vogue cover. An old childhood picture of my mother and I. So many memories... I hoped that I hadn't ruined our chance for happiness.
Forty minutes later, Jordan walked through the door. She didn't notice me at first but when our eyes met, a look of disgust spread over her face.
"What are you doing here?"
"Jordan. Baby.. I just wanna talk to you".
She shook her head and opened the door, "Out!"
I struggled to hold in my tears. "Goddamn it Jordan! This is me that you're talking to! Me! You know that I didn't do anything with that girl! I love you"
Jordan slammed the door and shouted, "No! I don't know shit! All I know is that I thought we had something special Jaisun but we don't. So get the fuck out of my house!"
"Jordan, come on now! Don't do this to us!"
Tear streamed down my face but I didn't bother to push them away. I wanted her to see my frustration, my anger, my remorse. I knew that things looked bad but I also knew that I was innocent. Even Heather had supported that fact. So I didn't understand what the problem was.
"Jordan, I don't get it. I told you what happened. She told you what happened. What's the big fucking problem?!"
Jordan walked past me and sat in a chair. She shook her head and said, "Jai, you think I don't know that you don't fuck with Heather? You think I don't know that she planned all this shit? I know what that bitch thinks like! I used to be her! I used to act just like her! But I'm different now. I changed and I changed because of you. It's just the simple fact that I kept trying to tell you. I told you that Heather is sneaky and just wants to fuck up our shit. But you wanted to go be in her face anyway. Is it that I don't show you enough love? You need more attention? What the fuck is it Jaisun?!"
"Jordan, I told you. It was just business. Nothing more! Why can't you understand that?"
She chuckled. "Jaisun, if you hadn't gone to that party, the people at Def Jam would have bitched for a minute and then they would have made you do another party. That's it! That's all! Don't play me like I don't know the fucking business!"
Then her voice changed. She dropped her head into her hands saying, "It's not that I don't trust you. It's them that I don't trust."
I walked over and bent to face her. I lifted Jordan's chin and kissed her softly. "Baby, don't worry about me. I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together..."
We kissed again. "Forever".
© Copyright 2009 Essence M.
To Be Continued...
I was still sitting down, watching Jordan as she gathered her things and prepared to leave. I had something important on my mind and I knew that I needed to open my mouth and say something. But I know how Jordan is. I wasn't sure how she would react and honestly, I was expecting the worst.
A few days ago, one of the Def Jam publicists called to tell me that Heather's album release party was scheduled for tonight and they expected me to continue my hosting duties. That Heather had specifically asked for me and the party fulfilled one of the stipulations in a contract that I desperately wanted to get out of. I couldn't believe that Heather had asked for me. Over the years, we've run into each other from time to time. Of course, I'm always with Jordan and Heather is always surrounded by groupies in their little 'DJ Hazard' t-shirts. My usual reaction is to roll my eyes all the way into the back of my head and thank God that I had the good sense to drop her ass when I did. Sometimes she sends over a drink. Or her phone number. But I dismiss it all. It doesn't matter to me that she has money or cars. Everyone knows that Jordan is my woman and has been for a while. Still, it bothers Jordan. She makes it clear that she doesn't respect Heather and does not want me to be around her. I always end up having to find a way to keep the two apart and stop Heather from pushing Jordan too far. Trust me, Jordan is not the one to play with. Underneath her professional and easy-going persona, she is very protective, very aggressive and just a tad bit jealous. The last time we all attended the same party, we ended up leaving an hour early because Heather tried to dance with me and Jordan almost tossed her little ass into the bar.
So obviously, I knew that it wouldn't be easy to get Jordan to come to the party. And that she probably wouldn't want me to go at all. But I didn't have a choice. In order to get out of my Def Jam contract, I had agreed to host any five parties of their choice at one flat fee with no star perks. And Heather knew it.
When I saw Jordan reach for her keys, I knew that it was now or never. I had to talk to her. I had to tell her about the party. But how? I needed some help. Something or someone that she couldn't resist. If we had a kid, I would have used it as my cover but instead I just picked up our new puppy and shoved it into Jordan's face.
"Say hi Daisy! Say hi to Daddy!" The dog licked happily on the side of Jordan's cheek, brushing its wet nose against the side of her neck. Jordan grabbed the dog and tumbled onto the ground. We laughed and rolled around on the floor for a few minutes.
"Come on Daisy! Tell Jordy to come with me to the party!"
Jordan stopped playing long enough to ask, "What party baby?"
I picked the dog up and stood. Daisy could be my shield. "I was thinking that you could come to Heather's album release party with me". Bad idea. All movement stopped. Sensing the tension, Daisy jumped down and scampered off. Traitor.
"No, no. no. I'm not going. You're not going. We're not going!"
"But I have to go. Violet from Def Jam called. You know how things are right now. All I have to do is get on the mic, say a few words, pop a couple of bottles and then we can leave. What’s the big deal?"
I tried to hug her but Jordan wasn't having it. She pushed me away and said, "What's the big deal? Do you think my idea of a good time is watching that lame ass bitch flirt with my girl? You already know how I feel about her Jaisun. I don't like her, don't respect her. And why are you so pressed to go anyway? You tell Def Jam to kiss your ass any other day. What? You wanna see her or something?"
"Jordan, get a fucking grip. You know that I can't back out of shit like this anymore. I'm tired of being at Def Jam. They're not promoting me as well as the other artists. They're a music label and they signed me, knowing that I was a writer and a model. Now they don't know what to do with me. You know that I want to get out of this contract. This isn't about us, this is about business. Heather is cool but THAT'S IT! We dated, it didn't last, I'm with you! Stop being so damn childish and get over it! I don't care what you say. I'm going to the party...."
Jordan opened the door to leave but then turned to face me. She stood there quietly for a second and then suddenly punched the wall.
"I knew this shit would happen eventually. I can't believe this shit. My girl is arguing with me so she can go sit up in another female's face? Fuck it. Go. Don't go. I don't care."
She slammed the door when she left. That's never a good sign. A few minutes later, Daisy came trotting back into the room and gave me a look that said, "What the hell did you do now?"
I arrived for the party an hour late. I knew that Heather's manager would probably be mad but I didn't care. After Jordan walked out of the apartment, I'd been too distraught to dress. I just sat there, wondering how I had managed to mess up such a wonderful thing. Even now, the fight was still on my mind. I didn't understand why Jordan got so upset.
I snapped out of my thoughts long enough to notice that something did not seem right. There was no music blasting into my eardrum. No DJ screaming incoherently on the mic. And no mile long line of half-naked women outside. Didn't seem like one of Heather's parties at all.
When I reached the doors of the club, a young woman approached me. Smiling, she said, "Good evening ma'am. Ms. McDonald, I presume?"
I nodded yes. I followed her into the club, past the dance floor, beyond the VIP and into a private room. Entering the room, I immediately saw an elegant dinner table that was set for two. Candles, soft music, chilled champagne. My heart almost began to melt but a shockingly revelation hit me first. Heather set this up purposely. I needed to leave as soon as possible.
I headed to the door but a voice called behind me, "Jaisun! What's Up! Wait, where are you going?" It was Heather. For once, she actually looked kind of nice. The shades, the fur and the heavy chain were gone, replaced with a pair of small black reading glasses and a nice Polo outfit.
"Hey Heather, thanks for the invitation but I'm actually leaving. I don't think this is really a good idea."
She put down a small package that she held in her hands and walked over to me. "Look Jaisun, I know it seems kind of shady but I just wanted a chance to apologize for being such an asshole. I knew that you wouldn't come unless it was business".
"But Heather, what if Jordan had come with me? Do you understand what this shit looks like? "
"I know, I know", she said. Heather sat down and put her head into her hands. "Don't you know how much it bothers me that I fucked up? I was just so young and stupid. I don't even really act like that anymore. Now, that shit is just for show. I wish I had someone like you in my life now. Someone that doesn't give a fuck about all the material shit. Someone that's real."
I sat down across from her. I grabbed her hand and said, "Heather, I understand all that. I really do. But you can't put me in a bad position with my woman. I'm in a relationship with Jordan. I'm in love with Jordan. We can be friends but you can't try to come between that."
Heather assured me that she understood and we sat down for a quiet dinner. Six courses of absolutely delicious food. We were eating dessert and finishing our last cocktails of the evening. I playfully stole forkfuls of her strawberry cheesecake and somehow Heather managed to knock my entire cup of green tea ice cream on the floor. I'd forgotten how much fun she was. I remembered how I'd loved her youthful spirit and generosity. I pulled on my jacket and stood to leave, when Heather picked up the package she'd been holding all night and handed it to me. I opened it and saw an original copy of "Their Eyes Were Watching God". Autographed on the inside cover by Ms. Hurston herself.
"Oh my gosh! Heather! Thank you so much!"
"You're welcome Jaisun. And honestly, I really am happy for you and Jordan. Come on, let me walk you out."
I smiled and just as I turned to walk away, Heather spun me around and kissed me. I stood there shocked for a second and then pulled away.
Before I could open my mouth to forcefully object, I saw a shade standing in the doorway. Someone had been watching. And without even seeing her face, I knew it was Jordan.
"What the fuck is going on?"
I heard the tone of Jordan's voice and I knew she was furious. I could hear Jordan clinching her jaw from where I was standing. The invitation and small greeting card in her hand fell to the floor. She'd come to apologize. Felt bad about the argument that we'd had earlier. And now I was standing here, unable to explain the situation that I had gotten myself into.
"Jordan baby, listen. Heather and I..."
"Look Jordan", Heather interrupted as she stepped closer to Jordan. "Jaisun had no idea about
the dinner. This is all just a huge misunderstanding. For real yo, I really am sorry". Heather extended her hand for Jordan to shake. Jordan stood quietly and then out of nowhere began to laugh hysterically. When her laughter died down, she began massaging her jaw and staring at Heather's hand which remained unshaken. Without a second thought, Jordan hit Heather squarely in the jaw, sending her stumbling back.
At first I thought I had to be imagining things. But when I saw Heather clutching her jaw and Jordan standing over her cursing, I knew that I wasn't seeing things. I rushed over to Jordan and tried to guide her through the doorway. Before we could exit, Heather tackled her from behind. They crashed onto the floor, landing punches and kicks wherever they could. I stood on the sidelines yelling, "Stop it! This is so stupid! Ya'll are too old for this! Jordan, GET UP!"
Finally I separated them. Jordan had a cut above her eye and when I tried to examine it further, she roughly shoved me away.
"Jaisun, get the fuck away from me. Don't touch me."
"Jordy, stop being so stubborn and let me look at your eye". Jordan pushed my hands away and left. I glanced at Heather to make sure that she didn't have any serious injuries and then I dashed after Jordan. I didn't reach her before she drove away but I knew where she was going.
I drove straight to Jordan's apartment, trying to beat her home. I knew she would be going straight home. Jordan hated to drive when she was upset. When I arrived, I didn't see her car. I used my key to enter and after confirming that she hadn't come home yet, I went into the kitchen and made myself a drink. A strong one. I sat on the couch and looked around Jordan's apartment. I noticed all the pieces of me that she had incorporated into her personal space. A self-portrait that I'd painted in Monte Carlo and had given her on our first anniversary. A framed copy of my first Vogue cover. An old childhood picture of my mother and I. So many memories... I hoped that I hadn't ruined our chance for happiness.
Forty minutes later, Jordan walked through the door. She didn't notice me at first but when our eyes met, a look of disgust spread over her face.
"What are you doing here?"
"Jordan. Baby.. I just wanna talk to you".
She shook her head and opened the door, "Out!"
I struggled to hold in my tears. "Goddamn it Jordan! This is me that you're talking to! Me! You know that I didn't do anything with that girl! I love you"
Jordan slammed the door and shouted, "No! I don't know shit! All I know is that I thought we had something special Jaisun but we don't. So get the fuck out of my house!"
"Jordan, come on now! Don't do this to us!"
Tear streamed down my face but I didn't bother to push them away. I wanted her to see my frustration, my anger, my remorse. I knew that things looked bad but I also knew that I was innocent. Even Heather had supported that fact. So I didn't understand what the problem was.
"Jordan, I don't get it. I told you what happened. She told you what happened. What's the big fucking problem?!"
Jordan walked past me and sat in a chair. She shook her head and said, "Jai, you think I don't know that you don't fuck with Heather? You think I don't know that she planned all this shit? I know what that bitch thinks like! I used to be her! I used to act just like her! But I'm different now. I changed and I changed because of you. It's just the simple fact that I kept trying to tell you. I told you that Heather is sneaky and just wants to fuck up our shit. But you wanted to go be in her face anyway. Is it that I don't show you enough love? You need more attention? What the fuck is it Jaisun?!"
"Jordan, I told you. It was just business. Nothing more! Why can't you understand that?"
She chuckled. "Jaisun, if you hadn't gone to that party, the people at Def Jam would have bitched for a minute and then they would have made you do another party. That's it! That's all! Don't play me like I don't know the fucking business!"
Then her voice changed. She dropped her head into her hands saying, "It's not that I don't trust you. It's them that I don't trust."
I walked over and bent to face her. I lifted Jordan's chin and kissed her softly. "Baby, don't worry about me. I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together..."
We kissed again. "Forever".
© Copyright 2009 Essence M.
To Be Continued...
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